Life Lessons From The Game

Playing “The Game” is not really about the game at all. It has been about thinking about how to interact and communicate when we are at odds with each other. How do you get along in the heat of the moment? How do we deal with disappointment? We stopped often along the way to uncover the life lessons we felt were being learning in our game playing. “What have you learned by playing the game that might actually help you in real life?”

The class discussions were full of gems of advice. Here are some highlights.

Dylan: It is possible to see good in something you thought was bad. For example, if you get a lot of the same card over and over it seems bad. But then if you see, it can also be good because you can trade those cards to get what you want.

Lila: You have to stay kind about it and you have to stay calm. You can’t be like, “HEY!!! WHY DID YOU DOOO THAT TO US!!!” and stay calm and be happy about it because maybe there will be some good to come out of it like Dylan said.

Mallory: You have to deal with bad things happening. Like if someone puts the robber on you, you just have to deal with it and not get really upset about it.

Sam: You should always remember the golden rule, especially the part that says that you should treat other people they way you want to be treated. So if you rob someone by the robber, you can either rub it under their noses and if you want someone to do that to you, well of course, keep doing it! But if you want people to say, “I’m sorry, it is not personal. We were just wanting to slow you down because you were in the lead!” That is OK because usually you would want someone to teat you like that.

If you’d like to read the whole conversation (my colleagues and I found it fascinating) I’ll include the transcript at the end.

Not long after these discussions, I found the ideas contained within them guiding my own life.

My family just recently bought our first house, so naturally is needs a bit of TLC. My husband had been working hard to spruce the place up before we move. He had been sanding the floors one day. He left the house and returned in a few hours to find the back door kicked in and the power cords cut and stolen from all of his sanders and power tools along with our fridge, stove and AC units. Talk about feeling deflated. “This is JUST what we need!” I thought to myself sarcastically as I drove home after hearing the news. As I sat evaluating my feelings, I began to hear the voices of my third graders ring in my memory.

“You have to deal with bad things happening. Like if someone puts the robber on you, you just have to deal with it and not get really upset about it.” I had a choice. I could either let this totally get me down and into a pity party or I could just acknowledge that I didn’t like what had happened and move on. Getting super upset wasn’t going to change the events; they had already passed. (And how funny was it that the context of disappointment in the game had also been a robber. Ha!)

“Don’t take it personally!” Did the thief know us? No. They were obviously desperate from whatever circumstances they were facing in their own life.  They weren’t against me personally.

“Stay calm and be happy because maybe some good will come out of it!” With an insurance claim we will likely be able to replace most of our stuff. It just might be how we afford a new fridge which we needed anyway. (OK, so that one didn't really end up working out, but it was a comforting thought in the moment. I'll keep a look out for other possible silver linings. )

The words of the children were empowering. Their ideas totally changed my outlook. It was one of those moments that teachers have from time to time where my eyes brimmed with tears as I reflected on what a privilege it is to work with children. They have a way of grounding me and continually bring fresh perspective to my eyes. Their advice was there to guide me just when I needed it.

The lessons we learned from the game really are lessons for life far beyond the classroom—lessons for their lives … and for mine.

____________________________________________________________________________

The following is a transcript of some of our conversations about the lessons the children learned while playing the game.

Teacher: “What lessons are we learning from the game?”

Jude: We need to work well with other people in life and we have to do that in the game.

Teacher: You all decided that the team that won the first game was so successful because of how well they worked together and how well they listened to each other.

Mallory: You have to deal with bad things happening. Like if someone puts the robber on you, you just have to deal with it and not get really upset about it.

Stella: You have to take care of your resources.

Dylan: You have to communicate clearly. It is also possible to see good in something you thought was bad. For example, if you get a lot of the same card over and over it seems bad. But then if you see, it can also be good because you can trade those cards to get what you want.

Lila: You need to save your resources for the things you really want. Don’t just spend them on little things you don’t care about. Save up to get the important things you really want. Also, sometimes you need to spend you resources before you lose them. It is better to spend them while you have them than to lose them and not get to spend them at all.

Sam: I learned that you should… if you put the robber on someone, then later they only have one resource left and they want to trade with you, that is one way to mend the relationship. But if you say no, that might make the relationship issue even bigger.

Teacher: Once a relationship has been hurt, you can mend it or make it worse depending on the decision you make after that. Do you think that could apply to real life, like with a friendship? You hurt someone’s feelings and you can either make things better or worse with what you choose to do next?

Class: Yes!

Mallory: You have to choose to be flexible. Like if two people on your team want to build a road and you don’t want to, you have to be flexible and just be like, “Well… Ok…”

Teacher: It wasn’t what I wanted, but OK.  In real life do you always get things that way you want it?

Lila: Like in voting for president. Maybe the person you voted for doesn’t get elected.

Stella: I’ll have to live with it for four more years.

Dylan: I don’t exactly know how to say it, but like when we disagreed about who’s turn it was to roll and I just let Arthur have the dice…

Teacher: Hmmm…. how would we put that. Maybe being generous? What happens when you are generous?

Lila: You get generosity back.

Tally: You get respect back.

Lila: Don’t let people know what you have. Like if you tell people in the real world how much money you have, they might come and steal it from you. But also in the game you shouldn’t tell people what you have.

Teacher: So that sounds kind of like "keep personal information personal." Like I just bought a house and was so excited to tell my friends and family on facebook, but I realized that I shouldn’t put my address out all over the internet, so I just had to say, “I bought a house!”

Sam: I want to add on about the generosity. You should always remember the golden rule, especially the part that says that you should treat other people they way you want to be treated. So if you rob someone by the robber, you can either rub it under their noses and if you want someone to do that to you, well of course, keep doing it! But if you want people to say, “I’m sorry, it is not personal. We were just wanting to slow you down because you were in the lead!” That is OK because usually you would want someone to treat you like that.

Teacher: There was also a lot of talk about the golden rule around development cards. If you want every other team to throw a huge party in your face whenever they get something good then you can do that. But if you don’t want people to do that, then you shouldn’t really do that.

Sophia: Me and my team, when we get development cards we need we try to  like just act normal and not be all “Yeah!!” and try not to be in everyone’s face, but inside we are happy.

Teacher: Good point. It is OK for you to feel happy about it. It is just about not rubbing it in other people’s faces.  Any other ideas?

no answers….

Teacher: I wrote down a few I noticed going on in the game. I wrote “It’s not personal!” Did you see people moving the robber on people or blocked them or tried to foil their plans in some way in the game just because they don’t like THAT person? Or was it more because, “Hmmm I really need to slow that team down and this is just want I need to do for my team.”

Mallory: Like when my team built a road in the way of yours. You were just like… Well it had to happen.

Sophia: I was just like, “Oh, darn!”

Teacher: You can either get super upset or just think “Oh, darn!” Don’t take it personally. They weren’t personally trying to make Stella mad by doing that, they just needed to do that for the game. Another one I had written was what about when your plans don’t work out? I keep hearing from the same people. I’d like to hear from others.

Tally: To be flexible.  Like just say, “This isn’t what I wanted mom, but I’m just going to go with it.” [She goes on to tell about plans she wanted for a play date with a friend she doesn’t often see but her mom has other plans]

Teacher: So it wasn’t your plan, but you are just going with it anyway. That happens in the game a lot too.

Lila: You have to stay kind about it and you have to stay calm. You can’t be like, “HEY!!! WHY DID YOU DOOO THAT TO US!!!” and stay calm and be happy about it because maybe there will be some good to come out of it like Dylan said.

Sam: When you make a mistake or when you plan is ruined, you probably need to say, “This wasn’t my plan but you guys needed to do that so… or wanted to do that, so….” And maybe there might be a good thing in that mistake. Like say someone put the robber on you and it was on wheat which you really needed and then you could say, “OK, I didn’t want  that to happen, but I’m just going to have to be flexible”

Teacher: Is it OK to feel bummed about it?

Class: Yes.

Teacher: Sure… you just don’t want to let it shut you down.

Sam: But then you also realized that you had too many cards and if you had gotten that card, you would have had to put half of your resources back. The bad things actually turned into a good thing and saved you from losing a bunch of cards.

Tally: Putting the robber on you is kind of like a compliment..

Teacher: How so?

Tally: They want to slow you down because you are doing so good.

Arthur: So that’s a compliment? Cool!

Lila: Are you just going to put the robber on yourself then.

Arthur: Yep.

Lila: Then you get to rob yourself.

Arthur: Hands up, self!

Teacher: I also have written down “Including Everyone” so how is that happening in the game and how would that relate to real life?

Mallory: In real life, if you didn’t include everyone in an important business meeting, then something could go terribly wrong.

Stella: Like I was reading this book about how the gods were making the world but they didn’t want to work with one lady and they forgot things and the world didn’t work out.

Teacher: Have you ever noticed that sometimes during the game there are two people talking and the third person is kind of left out, but then when you’ve invited them in they actually had really good ideas that you would have missed if you never asked them.

Lila: And you could have won!

Tally: In the beginning we were trying to include everyone but we really weren’t trying enough.

Lila: Three brains are better than two.

Dylan: You can get more reasons.

Teacher: I remember seeing a time in the game when on one team two people were very sure that the decision they were about to make was the best decision and because they had two they could outvote the third person. But I remember that when that third person came and explained why it was a reason that the other two had not considered at all. I could see in their team’s eyes this look of [gasp] “You’re right! I had never considered!” and it totally changed the whole teams mind and they changed their whole plan. What if they hadn’t listened to their teammate and the bad things happened to their team?

Mallory: I saw that happen on the red team too. Dylan wasn’t really talking  and was kind of off to the side and then they came into the conversation like, “Noooooo!”

Teacher: And she was able to present a reason that they team hadn’t considered before?

Mallory: Yeah.

Teacher: Have you ever been the person that hasn’t been included? How does it feel?

Arthur: Bad

Mallory: Once I was the person left out and I couldn’t really hear what they were saying but they were making plans to like build a road or something. I was like, “WHAT are you DOING?” I just felt like it was my team and I had a right to know what was going on.

Teacher: Mallory wrote down a bit of advice, “Don’t Brag.” I keep hearing from the same people and I’d like to hear from others.

Sophia: You could offend the other teams. If they have a ton of stuff to build a city and then they start bragging about it, the other teams will not like it.

Dylan: If you brag at the other teams, they might brag back at you.

Lila: Golden Rule!! It is OK if you are a little happy but you can’t be like, “In your face!!”

Teacher: It is OK to be happy when something good happens to you and it is OK to be sad when something bad happens to you, but there is a WAY to do it that is not bragging.

Sam: If you brag and then the other teams rolls a seven, they would probably put the robber on you and steal to show how they felt. It could affect your team.

Jude: It could cause bad karma.

Lila: If you brag, people may not be willing to trade with you.

Mallory: That is happening to us, but I’m not exactly sure why but a whole team won’t trade with us.

The Game

I spent one week this past summer watching a group of children completely consumed by The World Peace Game. And I got to watch the master teacher, John Hunter, at work challenging them to think creatively and flexibly, to negotiate wisely, to listen more completely to others around them. During our afternoon debriefing sessions with the other educators at the camp, John would repeat the phrase, “It is not really about the game!” We had lengthy discussions about all of the other things we saw going on. We saw some children take leadership roles. Others were stepping out of their comfort zones and taking risks. They were building resilience as they pushed through feelings of being overwhelmed or defeated. They began to see that they couldn’t solve the problems alone and began to seek the advice of their teammates with more fervor. They divided responsibilities and learned to trust and rely on their team members to carry out their roles. The game was just the catalyst for all of these other character traits and skills to develop. Winning the game depended on the children coming to these places.

Naturally, as I began this year, the things I had seen in The World Peace Game Camp stuck with me. I wanted to find some way to provide a similar opportunity for the children to be challenged in these same ways. The World Peace Game itself was too much for me to take on and I felt like even if I did try to recreate it, I couldn’t facilitate it as masterfully as Mr. Hunter because it wasn’t mine (after all, he has spent the last thirty years refining and perfecting the game and it quickly becomes clear that he understands it inside and out). I also didn’t feel that I had it in me to try to create a game of my own from scratch—wasn’t going to happen. So, I decided to turn to a game I already knew, a game well known for strategy. I wanted something that would challenge the children and force them to rely far more on their own problem solving than on luck and allow them to work together on teams. And so, we’ve been playing Settlers of Catan to welcome the new school year.

 I echo the assertion that it is not really about the game (there are plenty of others I could have chosen) In fact, I decided to start this year gaming as a way to build community, a way to examine how we want to be when we are together, a way to practice taking risks or being flexible and resilient when things don’t go our way. Rather than just talking about these ideas at the beginning of the school year, I wanted to get involved in an activity that would put these ideas to work immediately and provide quick feedback about what works and what doesn’t.

 

We often start our game sessions by thinking about how to help us play an even better game than we have been.

“How is your team functioning? What is going well? What might need to be changed to go more smoothly?”

 “How might our class guidelines about clear communicate improve your game? The golden rule? Taking care of resources?"

Then we head off to put these reflections immediately into practice. I’m surprised by how quickly I see behaviors change.

Here are just a few of things I was excited to see come out of our time with the game.

Applying Past Experience- As soon as we started the second game with new teams, the children put into practice what they learned from the past game. What made the winning team so successful? The children employed those ideas instantly in game two.

 Inclusion- I overheard new teams asking, “Are you feeling included?” to their teammates as they tried to find their new rhythm as a team.

Flexibility- The children are in teams of three. Early on all of the teams decided that having a unanimous decision was really going to slow their team down. They agreed that a majority 2 out of 3 votes would be enough to move a decision forward. The children have become increasingly comfortable with the idea that sometimes the team will do something they don’t individually agree with. They accept it and move on. One child even said, “If you ask your team and both of the other people don’t want to do it, it probably means that it is not the best idea.” I was impressed with her ability to look so far beyond not getting what she wanted.

Diplomacy- “You don’t want to be so friendly to the other teams, telling them when they missed collecting things or giving tons of advice, to the point that it hurts your own team. You also don’t want to be so mean that you make the other teams angry and against you.”

Persuasion- The children are learning to state why they think their plan is the best in order to help convince their teammates. At first there were more arguments as people just put in a "yes" or a "no" and got frustrated when people didn't do what they wanted. Today I overheard one child asking her teammates, "Can I just tell you WHY I don't think that will work?" It was fascinating to watch her win over her two teammates who thought they were so sure about what to do next. I could see in their eyes a look of shock as she brought up a downfall to their plan that they had never considered.

Considering Future Consequences- I'm starting to overhear more evidence of the children looking down the road. "If we put the robber on them, they will probably put it back on us next time they roll a seven!"