"We expect too much of boys-- and we don't expect enough... on the one hand, we expect them to do things they're developmentally not ready to do, and to be 'tough little men' when they are just little boys who need goodbye hugs and affection. On the other hand, when they behave in cruel and thoughtless ways, we say, 'Oh, boys will be boys.' We let them off the hook over issues of respect and consideration for others." From the book Raising Cain
This sentence has had me thinking over the past few days about balance. The concept is universal and applies to humans-- not just boys. How do we, as parents and teachers, respond to children in developmentally appropriate ways while also honoring the child by expecting them to meet their potential as brilliant, sensitive, creative human being?
We spend a lot of time at school thinking about these ideas. How do we make space for childhood to remain? For the work of play to remain? How do we challenge our students intellectually without giving in to 'the race to nowhere' that exhausts and stresses the children of our nation? How can we be in third grade but be deeply in third grade? Meanwhile, how do we support the child in being a contributing member of our community? How do we help to foster thought, consideration, compassion and empathy for the other humans with whom we spend our days and months and years?
When do we need to honor children by allowing them to be where they are and when do we need to honor children by expecting more?
What astonishingly important and beautifully constructed questions. These concerns really are at the core of what we do as teachers and parents. Recently, I have been helped in thinking about some of these always-present questions by reading Madeline Levine's Teach Your Children Well and Paul Tough's How Children Succed.
ReplyDeleteI think about this every time I walk into the classroom. I expect intellectual rigor and rigor of process. It changes constantly from class to class and from student to student. Every student has a unique pace and unique set of strengths. I think about the things you address all the time. When do I honor my students and accept them where they are and when do I push them? I push them until they push back or they fail to respond. For these 3rd grade kids, behavior and learning are so closely linked and this is such a crucial age. I think it's okay to let them know we have high expectations for them.
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